I’ve enjoyed my time thus far in the guild but what I really wanted to do was to distinguish myself. To be noticed. To bring glory to myself and my new found family. As a warrior of the 15th rank there is a lot I can do, but to do something truly spectacular was going to take some serious thinking. (not exactly my strong point.. so don’t bother pointing this out) From time to time this burning desire for vengeance presents itself in the front of my mind, which tends to be very annoying since I have no idea who to direct that vengeance toward. It just so happened as I was wandering the rings in the Undercity stewing over my untargeted desire for vengeance that I overheard one of the apothecaries talking to another adventurer about some ingredients he needed for yet another doomsday poison to use against the humans. They’ve been it at for years and so far all they’ve managed to do is to permanently dye all the water in the Undercity that slimy green-ooze color. That got me to think.. hmm…. If I’ve got to be angry at somebody why not be angry at the Humans.. After all they are one of the dark queen’s biggest foes. Then it hit me! The humans… I would travel to Stormwind and gather information. I would infiltrate the city and try to find a weakness might be exploited by our generals.
Finally I had purpose! A vision, a goal to strive towards which if successful would bring glory to me and my family. Stormwind is deep in the heart of alliance territory and there is a lot of VERY dangerous ground to cover between here and there. Fortunately for me there is a treaty in place which says that no member of the opposite faction may be attacked unless they either accept a challenge or act in an openly hostile manner. This treaty would aid me greatly in my upcoming mission. I talked to many elders about the best path, and what I could expect to encounter along the way. I studied maps extensively and plotted my course. Finally armed with potions, bandages, ale, and a youthful mind filled with visions of glory I boarded the Zeppelin for a new destination. Grom Gol camp deep in the heart of deadly Strnglethorn Vale
Rain was falling as the zeppelin pulled up to the platform and I stepped off to take in the sights of an entirely new world. Lush and green and completely deadly. It might have just been fear playing tricks on my mind, but I could have sworn that the trees really looked like giant goblin heads staring at my every move. Crocs and Raptors roamed around the camp. I didn’t know how I was even going to make it to the road. Luckily for me another group, far more experienced than I, was getting ready to leave the camp for a hunt. I said that I was on a top secret mission of vital importance to the Horde. Chuckling at me a good natured Tauren warrior clearly amused by this upstart and his outlandish tale snorted and said “Sure little one, we can clear a path to the road for you” True to his word, the party smashed every raptor and tiger that for some reason seemed to think I was the tastiest treat ever to come walking past them. They lead me as far as a bridge where we parted ways. We wished each other good luck and good hunting as I turned away from them and started my terror-filled solo run through the gauntlet.
I imagine that my armor must have looked like it was made out of chocolate dipped in honey wrapped around raw meat. My word! I have never run harder and faster in my entire afterlife! Every raptor, cat, wolf, and spider within a mile was on my heals trying to make a meal of me. “I don’t taste that good guys.. trust me on this!” Well, they didn’t believe me when I said this and kept on chasing me from Stranglethorn all the way though Duskwood and into Westfall. Now the treaty doesn’t extend to towns. Any horde can be killed on sight if they step too close to an Alliance city or encampment. There was one spot at a crossroads in Duskwood where I know I went too close, but the guards just stood there open mouthed as this undead guy ran past them with his arms flailing wildly over his head yelling “AAAAGGGGHHHH!!!!! SHOO!! SHOO!!” while being chased by a dozen animals and insects. I swore I heard laughing in the background after I had gone out of range of their kill-zone. Well it was smooth sailing once I made it to Westfall. Sure there were vultures and bandits and weird scarecrow robot looking things, from there on in it was nothing that my axe and I couldn’t handle.
I drew stares as I continued down the road to Stormwind. Mothers hurried their children into their houses and barred their doors. Many allies just stared at the strange sight of an undead so boldly running in their presence. Obviously they were intimidated because none dared lay a finger on me even as I walked under the great archway of Stormwind itself. I must admit to being somewhat impressed with the city when I crossed the bridge leading over the Valley of Heroes. I walked right up to the guards and stood just on the other side of that yellow line. You see there is a yellow line right where this bridge ends along with a sign showing a Horde crest with a circle around it and a slash going through it. I didn’t have to speak common to know that the yellow line was the border of their kill-zone. The guards all shot me amused but uneasy looks as I paced this line, taking in the view before me. My reconnaissance mission had started I was just taking in the lay of the land, when right there before the Captain of the guard I had one of those moments.. an epiphany. That surge of adrenaline and that realization that struck me like a bolt of lightning out of the blue. I saw it there in the face of the castle, the hole that was cut out of the wall where the griffins take off and land. I could see the huge bails of hay they had for the birds in nests and stacked up aginst the wall. I had found my weakness! Even more than that I had found my opportunity for supreme glory!
I had in my posession torch which was supposed to be used to dispose of mummified troll remains in a crypt out in the Ghostlands, but now I saw a higher calling. I stared the captain of the guard in the face, flexed my muscles at him and roared trying to intimidate him and his guards.. Yet I hadn’t crossed the line so they could do nothing. I knew it was a longshot but I had to act. Withdrawing the torch from my pack I rather theatrically lit it in front of them. Then I looked to that open hole with all the hay for the griffins and took my aim. Boy.. that looks like it’s a long way off. I reared back reaching with my mind to the very depths of my soul to find every last ounce of strength… Oh yea!! I stopped and fished out the vial of strenght elixir I was carrying. I drank it down in a single gulp and felt quite invigorated. Now was the time to act. Once again I rared back, reached into my soul, and launched the torch with ever single scrap of energy I could possibly muster. It flew high.. the flame reflecting off the water below. The guards all following it’s path with their eyes, looking on in disbelief. It has the aim.. but does it have the distance? Yes… No… Yes.. Maybe… Things were moving in slow motion as the torch peaked in the arc of its trajectory and started its decent…..
YES!! The torch just barely hit the edge of the stone cut out, skittered across the floor and into a pile of straw that instantly burst into an explosion of flame. Utter chaos ensued. Screams and pannic could be heard, the bells signaling a fire were ringing throughout the city. The guards clearly spooked turned to look behind them when the somebody shouted “Don’t just stand there, help us with the fire!” With the guards distracted and the captain facing the other way I drew my sword and slapped the captain’s mount square on the hindquarters. It rared up on it’s back legs and stumbling, lost it’s footing and plunged along with his master into the water below. After a moment, his neck broken, the captain’s body came floating to the surface of the water. The remaining guards looked at the body, then looked at me. Thrusting my sword into the air I let out a warcry so loud it echoed across the entire Valley of Heroes and charged. The guards instantly broke ranks and fled back through the city. I was right on their heals as they were shouting “RUN!! THAT MONSTER KILLED THE CAPTAIN! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!” Panic has a way of being contagious and as they ran past buildings that panic spread and the guards and civilians alike fled, the chaos and fear just building on itself and getting larger as the mob took on an identity all it’s own with the single minded purpose of fleeing the city for the refuge of Ironforge via the underground tram. I grabbed another torch and I was heading from building to building setting fire to everything in my wake. People died left and right either from being caught in the fires or by being trampled by other fleeing citizens. I reveled in the carnage and continued to set fire to everything I came across all the way up to and including the king’s throne room in the center of the town. I used a telepathic link to inform the others in my guild of the unbridled success I was having and asked them to send in reinforcements. One of our officers happened to be in Thralls chambers at the time. He brought silence to the chamber when he shouted out “YES!! That SOB actually pulled it off” All eyes were on him as he explained to Thrall what was happening and that I was requesting reinforcements. Immediately Warchief left his chambers and dispatched a legion of his personal guard to assist.
I made my way to the stockades and broke the locks of the gates, leaving it wide open for those inside to escape and add to the slaughter of the populace still trying to flee. Not much left to do actually. Screaming and destruction all around me. By this time the entire city was on fire and rapidly burning to the ground. Thrall himself eventually showed up with his personal guard. They descended from the sky on their windriders to offer assistance, but by that time the once glorious city was nothing but smoldering ruins. I was perched on the roof of the SI 7 building, about the only structure left somewhat standing, and I waved to Thrall. “Sorry you missed the show!” “You? You did all this?” asked the warchief. “Yes I did. FOR THE HORDE!”
My mission for glory was a complete success. I was now the most famous person in the entire world. Everybody, both Horde and alliance alike knew my name “Pithius Maximus! The destroyer of Stormwind” A special day was called where I would be honored for my heroic actions. Kaustic and Dreadspine.. the 2 highest members in my guild carried me on their shoulders as they lead the procession of tens of thousands from the Undercity to the Zeppelin towers (which had specially commissioned Zeppelins just for members of the guild) and on to Orgrimar where I was to be personally honored and given a special reward by all 4 leaders of the Horde. Oh and the women! Even those stuck-up Blood Elf females who wouldn’t give an undead guy like me the time of day were all flocking to my side vying for my attention. The procession came to a halt before a stage constructed just for this event. That’s when I saw it. I couldn’t believe it. In a dazzling display on the stage was the legendary Sword of a Thousand Truths. It was to be presented to me as reward for my deeds! Kaustic and Dreadspine set me down. Both had their succubus in tow which they commanded to their sides. Their demons looked at each other, then looked their masters and said together in a way that only twins can “Sorry boss <smack> But we’re with him” and they came running to my side and one on each arm they led me to the stage. Kaustic and Dreadspine stared at me open mouthed, I just shrugged my shoulders and mouthed “Sorry” I’ve never seen so many people in one place in my entire life before. Several hundred thousand had turned out to see the award ceremony. I heard a tauren moo above the crowd and I made eye contact with the warrior that had cleared the path to the road for me in Stranglethron. I raised an arm in triumph and cheered at him. The leaders of the great Horde factions were on stage with me. A hush fell over the crowd as Lady Sylvanas rose to speak. Now complete silence. Sylvanas opened her mouth and In a loud booming voice said, “SQUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWK!!!!”
That screech instantly snapped me from my daydream as I looked in horror at the sight before me. A shower of sparks hung in the air where my torch, in it’s downward decent had smashed a griffin square on the beak right as it was taking off with a passenger. The torch fell harmlessly into the water leaving only a whisp of smoke at the surface where it was extinguished. The griffin screeched loudly as it continued to corkscrew through the air and eventually smacked into a tree at the edge of the forest. In the water below me was a rather ticked off looking gnome that had obviously fallen off the Griffin squealing some high-pitched gibberish at the guards who were all laughing at what had just transpired. I had done it now.. I had taken a hostile action. Light glinted off one of the guard’s blue shields and I cringed expecting a mace to come crashing into my skull, but nothing happened. The guards were all laughing too much. The gnome was screaming louder than ever pointing at me, then shouted something to the captain. The captain stopped his laughing for just a moment, rolled his eyes, and then rode forward, rearing his horse up on it’s hind legs in front of me, knocking me to the ground with it’s hooves. Then the horse proceded to trample me to death dancing some kind of jig with the capain and all his guards roaring with renewed fits of laughter.
Only I didn’t die. I was trampled to within a millimeter of my life, but I held on. Every bone in my body was broken and I was lying face down in a pool of my own blood. The laughing grew even louder when the gnome having swam out of the water came to join in the frivolity. Except the pool I was lying in wasn’t my blood. It was a mixture of Darkmoon ale and healing potions whose vials were broken during the trampling. The only part of my body I could move was my tongue so I licked. With every lap I gained more and more strength until finally I was whole again. I hopped to my feet and drew my sword and stumbled.. WoW! That Darkmoon ale was strong stuff. Not only was I healed but I was also completely smashed. Of course this made the guards laugh even harder. I was infuriated. I shouted “HOSH DARE YOUSH!! I am a warri *hic* warrior of the 15th *hic* nosh.. the 16tsh rank. You see my head dinkshed just a little while *hic* ago. 16th rank! You WILL draw your weapon and fhightsh me!” I stared blurry-eyed at the captain of the guard who proceeded to turn to his horse’s backside towards me saying while pointing over his shoulder “Get a load of this guy” Ahhhhhhsh *hic.. I thought, here is my chance. I raised my sword to smack that horse on it’s hindquarters when the captain turned his heals inward slightly and made a klicking sound. Instantly the horse reared up on it’s front legs and mule-kicked me square in the chest. Completely stunned I went flying a hundred yards through the air, landing with a huge splash in the water below. Broken, drunk, barely conscious and sinking I came to rest on the bottm of the moat. Something was sticking me in the side. It was the torch I had thrown earlier. Barely able to move my arms I gingerly closed my hand around the torch while with the other hand I strained to reach and then activate the hearthstone.
*Poof* My broken mangled heap of a body rests on the floor by the mailbox in the Undercity. I laid there on the floor for several minutes.. just feeling the pain. *Poof* *Poof* *Poof* *Poof* *Poof* a 5 man party had just hearted in from their hunt (right on top of me) and a Kodo was now crushing my body under it’s foot. “Sorry about that little one” says the Tauren from atop his mount. It was the same warrior that had cleared the path for me in Stranglevale. “So how’d your mission go?” I just looked at him and laughed an insane meniacal laugh. The kind of laugh when you get when you’ve had no sleep for a week and absurdity of the world just seems funny. A very young, very kind Blood Elf female priest of the 2nd rank came over to my body “I can help you mister” and spent the next 2 hours spam healing me back to my old unbroken self again.
Before I hated humans because I was supposed to hate them. Now it is personal. I vow this day that I will not rest till I have seen Stormwind razed to the ground! I will find my glory! But man.. I’ve got a lot of training to do in the meantime.